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Monday, April 02, 2007

misery loves validation


ice in new york
Originally uploaded by kristalynn.
i was at a dinner a long time ago. the hostess was talking about her day at work.

"i spent the afternoon browsing for cards. i bought about $30 worth of cards and really nice envelopes." she paused and gazed upon the horizon. "that's why i really love my job."

i was incredulous. "you love your job because you can buy envelopes?"

"from the petty cash." but she looked at me like i was the one who didn't understand.


we have a really crappy, crappy newspaper here in montreal. the only good thing about it is the celebrity gossip column. my favorite part is "oh, shut up", where a celebrity is quoted saying something really dumb. it usually includes something from matthew mcconaughey talking about how he hasn't worn deodorant since he was 14 because "all the women in my life, including my mom, tell me that i have a special scent - my scent. a manly scent."

there isn't enough shutting up going on these days. we are more often than not subjected to people's telephone calls. and most of these calls consist of one's location or very important matters of business, which need to be stated just loud enough for everyone within radius to know how important they are.

"i think i should give alan a call. we don't want him to be blindsided."

a friend, who travels a lot, threatened that the next time she heard a *businessman's* conversation she was going to pick up a stapler and start talking loudly into it.

i told her that she should also click the stapler, saying that she was trying to conference in alan.

in addition to jobs, some people's lives are also fantastic. another friend goes on at great lengths about how incredible and implausible his life is. what is one to say? "mine too!" is he expecting a conversation comparing and contrasting the fantasticness of each of our lives?

instead i stare blankly. because, i am, quite frankly, left empty and void.

"it's true. i'm very, very happy," he persists, trying to convince "me".

if you were really happy, wouldn't i be able to tell from your eyes, your smile, your tone? the amount of rounds you buy for me?

wouldn't you shut up about it?

another couple, at every opportunity, tell me ad infinitum about their exponentially expanding love for one other. they tell me in each other's presence, they tell me while they are a momentarily single unit. they have each other well trained.

save your loud breath, i don't believe a word you're saying.

4 Comments:

At April 02, 2007, Blogger Anne C. said...

I'm glad you posted. I was going to start harassing you, potentially by phone.

p.s. I have my first assignment writing for that crappy newspaper.

 
At April 03, 2007, Blogger Kell said...

My nephew agreed to help me move. That weekend - the morning of the move - he called to say sorry, he wasn't coming, and he had "The Runs."

I didn't believe him either.

 
At April 04, 2007, Blogger Kell said...

Just for you: http://www.tvsquad.com/2007/01/24/the-greg-behrendt-show-canceled/

 
At April 04, 2007, Anonymous louis said...

That's strange, comments are not showing up on your page.

 

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