don't take it personally

Originally uploaded by kristalynn.

i was speaking with a friend who had just broken up with his boyfriend. he was telling me how they had tried to make it work through his boyfriend's addictive behaviors. ultimately, the boyfriend decided that he could not make my friend happy and needed to concentrate on destroying himself instead.

i said, "shit. that's such a shame. you know, you can't take this personally. it has nothing to do with you."

he said, "i know. it's his problem."

and then he started laughing. and i started laughing. and he began to say, "i won't take it personally, but the ironic thing is that..."

"i know!" i said, "it's happening to YOU. you're totally wrapped up in it."

"i won't take it personally, but it's not happening to anyone else."

don't take it personally is just another way to say, "oh hey, it's not you, it's me."

i first got the "it's not you, it's me" in grade 9. i had made out with ri¢h bank$ at the tears for fears concert. we "went out" for 2 weeks after that. one day, at lunch, he seemed particularly despondent. i asked what was wrong, and he told me that it wasn't me, it was him... i appreciated his attempt to not break my heart, but the damage was done. i curled up on my best friend's basement floor, eating hamburgers and crying. it took 2 years to get over ri¢h bank$. he was my first love. he played the guitar to me.

so i will take it personally when you say things like, "don't take it personally but...

• "your front teeth are too big and your boobs are too small."
  
• "nobody can stand to be around you. you have to be nicer."
  
• "yes, she and i had groundbreaking sex, but it had nothing to do with you."

happy new year, y'all. this is the year i get braces, a boob job, and limit my eye rolls to when i'm alone. wondering what i did to my teeth.

and my boobs.