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Tuesday, August 15, 2006


Originally uploaded by kristalynn.
i often sit around with my best friend - who's a guy - and talk about all the dumb mistakes he's made, namely the wonderful women that he's dated and subsequently pushed out of his life.

"i really liked robin..." i lamented.

"i know. she was fun." he concurred.

"i have this feeling that i'll meet up with her one day. and we'll go out for drinks..."

"drinking with robin was fun."

"... and we'd get TOTALLY wasted and call you up and tell you how much of an asshole you are."

"i can see that happening."

"she was fun."

"you'd probably make out with her as well."

"yeah, probably."

so he turned the tables on me the other day, examining my roster of ex-boyfriends.

"what was it about dude #6 that you liked?" he inquired.

i looked at him like he was crazy. "are you kidding? he was so unpredictable - anything could happen. it was great!"

i once drove from coast to coast with dude #6. he called me while i was vacationing in vancouver and told me to meet him in san francisco. after i somehow made the 3-day trek in a converted hippie bus called the green tortoise, i met him at the bus station in SF. our trip started as such:

Me: "hey cool! where'd you get the car?" (it was a 1970-something fiat spider, convertible).

Him: "some guy just sold it to me. $600. c'mon, we gotta get outta here..."

we tended to have a pretty late ETD on our cross-country road trip. this lead to us arriving in cities and looking for a place to sleep in the middle of the night. this also could have been a contributing factor as to how we accidentally checked into a prostitute motel in dallas...

and no, the bulletproof glass at the reception did not seem out of the ordinary...

on another occasion we found ourselves at the very end of our trip, at around midnight, with nowhere to sleep.

"my grandmother lives about an hour or so from here," he said.

"oh yeah. can we sleep there?"

"no, we shouldn't wake her. but we can camp out on her lawn."

his grandmother didn't really have a backyard - it was more of a sideyard, right off of a busy street. it was once a sleepy connecticut town, but now also serves as new york city suburb. what, being only 2 hours away and all.

we pitched our tent in her sideyard at 2 in the morning.

her motion-sensitive light woke her up. she came to the front door in her housecoat, holding a frying pan.*

"mom-mom, it's me - micky. don't be scared," (real name and real name).

she noticed the pitched tent in her yard and saw a grizzly mountain man tippie-toeing out of the shadows.

she screamed.

"no, mom-mom. it's me. and krista. we're going to sleep in your yard."

"oh HUN, it's you. oh, look at that tent. all right then, goodnight."

it was around noon when we rolled out of our fermenty, overheated tent. i stood and scratched my belly and wondered at the commuters who were stuck in traffic a mere few feet away.

"c'mon. let's see if there are any pancakes…" suggested dude #6.

*frying pan may or may not have been present.


At August 16, 2006, Blogger devo said...

LOVE the frying pan disclaimer. I'm also picturing a Mrs Roper style nightgown and accompanying hair net.

At August 16, 2006, Blogger sass said...

i'm so happy devo has de-lurked himself.

no - mom-mom is WAY cuter than mrs. roper.

At August 17, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I drank beer with you on that trip in a nasty bar filled with 90 year old drunks. That was awesome. I can't believe you took the hippie bus. - kjc

At August 17, 2006, Blogger sass said...

i had to drag you out on your EAR to go drinking that night. in pasedena. we drove there in your boyfriend's hippie van.

bob's hippie van.

At August 17, 2006, Anonymous Louis said...

Just a note to let you know I really am reading them now.

At August 18, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, just because someone is wonderful doesn't mean they are the one for you. Actually, when I sit around with my best girlfriends talking about guys we dated and dumped, there's *never* a sense that there was some guy who was wonderful and who we stupidly dumped. Can't think of one.


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