i like my own medicine

Originally uploaded by kristalynn.

not too long ago, i was having a steam bath with a friend in a slightly opulent hotel. two girls entered and started talking about hilary duff or earrings or something. then one of their cell phones rang. why she had her cell phone in a steam room is beyond my comprehension, but she attempted to answer it. due to the steam, it flew out of her hand and smashed on the floor.

good. it's broken. get out of here, i thought.

"oh my gawd! i wonder who called!" said the girl.

it finally got too hot and they left. my friend and i sat for a few moments, enjoying the silence. eventually i felt the need to confess.

"whenever i'm in a hot tub or sauna or whatever, i really, really hate it when someone else is there. it's like a burning hatred. i feel like the place is mine, that they’re intruding. is that wrong?"

"no. i feel as though they have no business here."


on another occasion, i was sent to some barren wasteland for a job. the only good thing about being sent away and forced to stay in a mariott is the hot tub. when i got in from work, at 9 pm, i'd look into the atrium at our common hot tub.

good. it's empty. i raced down before anyone else got the same idea.

i started to heat up and relax. i closed my eyes. soon enough, i felt the water level rise a few inches. i opened my eyes.

a businessman.

"hi there! you looked a little lonely. thought i'd join you..."

american businessmen view the hot tub as a networking opportunity. i don't know how to educate them that this is not the time for them and their bellies to be talking to me.

"the name's terry. i'm in plastics. how about you?" he attempted.

i half smirk. "computers... wow. it's too hot. i feel like i'm going to pass out. good night."

"fainting, huh? must be that half bottle of champagne you brought down. that's what's making your blood pressure drop..."


last night i was soaking in my gym's hot tub. a woman, not even wearing a bathing suit, but shorts and a top, decided to join me. she positioned herself in such a way so that a jet shot air and water directly into her shorts. they ballooned up to the surface.

ugh. i rolled my eyes.

every time she repositioned herself, i was hoping it was to leave. but it was simply to reballoon herself.

i retreated to the sauna.


the other day i was reading at a starbucks when a slender, slightly insane man approached me.

"are you finished with this table?"

"no, i only just got here." i replied.

"i'd like this table."

"there are plenty of empty tables." i gesticulated around the room.

"this one has the best light, the best view," was his rejoinder.

he was right. it was a pretty good spot. i appreciated the view, and the light, a little more.

"you're welcome to join me." i kicked the other chair out from under the table.

he huffed. "i'll wait 'til you leave... or maybe you won't be here tomorrow."

that's right. i smiled sardonically as i realized the power in being the annoyer.