www.paxiswasfat.com

the princess (sophia) and the pea
Originally uploaded by kristalynn.

it was christmas eve a couple of years ago and i was checking my messages from my boyfriend's place.

"oh no..." i exclaimed. i looked at my boyfriend as tears welled in my eyes.

"what? what is it?"

"oh no..." i repeated. i hung up the phone and placed my face in my hands.

"who died?"

i looked at my boyfriend. "ch... ch... "i was stuttering and stammering. "i can't even say it..."

"who died?" he repeated.

i realized i was worrying him. "charlie," i replied.

"charlie..." he repeated.

charlie was a mutual friend's wire-haired daschund. he had a little human's soul in him though. he was partially responsible for the assembling of me and my boyfriend: our first date was comprised of us walking him.


6 weeks ago my 17-year old kitten got fussy about her food. 5 weeks after that the vet discovered 2 tumors in her belly and intestine. this past tuesday, the vet put my paxis to sleep. she died in my arms, i heard her last tiny breath. it was not peaceful. not like everyone says. it was not violent or aggressive, but it was just not peaceful.

the vet gave her a month max. she made it to a week. paxis used to weigh close to 15 pounds - i used to do bicep curls with her. when she was dying, she was only 5 lbs. and about 2 of those pounds were tumors.

she was a birthday present. from my first boyfriend, my first love. he left me, and he left her behind.

she had nicknames ("misses kisses") and she had slogans ("paxis, complete with paws!"), her favorite group was basement jaxx, she could balance on my head, i could vacuum her, and she often joined me in the shower. she understood "up!", "lie down", and "do you want a treat?"

she was the most stable thing in my life, myself included. she moved with me to all my different apartments (12 times), she's seen every single one of my boyfriends come and go. she told me who sucked and who didn't. she was the one who went to bed with me every night, and greeted me when i stirred in the morning.

she liked soft-spoken people; had a great distaste for insufferable people. she had a proclivity for girls. and gay men. the gayer the better, in fact. during my housewarming party she sought refuge in a closet. towards the end of the night when i didn't find her there, i looked around the rest of the apartment. who did i see rolling around on the bed with a transvestite friend who showed up in drag? little miss thing.


for three days after she died, i walked around willing to do anything to bring her back. i now understand how people can make deals with the devil.

she collapsed on the floor the day she was to die. i lay on my side looking into her eyes. i watched one of them dialate completely, while the other remained a cat-eye slit. i knew this meant she was pretty much gone - the vet later informed me it was because her brain was hemorrhaging - but she still able to move her tail when i said her name.

she was an angel. in a furry disguise.