tell me something...

lochsa lounge
Originally uploaded by kristalynn.

i had dinner not too long ago with a very pregnant friend and her husband. we sat at the bar, as no tables were available.

“do you know the sex?” asked the woman behind the bar.

“no,” replied my friend. “it’s going to be a surprise.”

the woman motioned to the bartender. “his wife is pregnant too. due in three weeks. he knows the sex, she doesn’t.”

“yeah,” he turned around, glass in hand, and beamed at us. “it’s a girl!”


this past spring, a woman left her husband. she left him because he refused to leave the suburbs. the suburbs that were killing her so. she moved into my neighborhood, close to her gourmet chocolate shop.

this past spring my boyfriend got a job working for a man next to the chocolate shop. this man was denying his hair loss. he tied up his shoulder length stringy hair with a bandana.

this past spring some gossip was spread. this friend told me that his new neighbor – the recently de-suburbed chocolate lady - was having really loud sex. extraordinarily loud sex.

"sex that sounds like banging, or sex that sounds like furniture is moving?" i asked.

"sex that sounds like a dresser is being picked up and dropped onto the floor," he replied.

"wow. what could they possibly be doing?"

"i don't know. but they do it every tuesday and thursday afternoon."

i informed my boyfriend - G – of the neighborhood gossip. "the chocolate lady is having really loud sex."

his eyes bugged out. "the chocolate lady is dating my boss...! i didn't tell you? why do you think we get so many free chocolates?"

i clasped my hands over my mouth. this was huge.

i had to tell A. "the chocolate lady is having the loud sex with bandana boy!"

the news knocked the wind out of him. "G cannot tell bandana head that we hear their loud sex."

but no matter how hard i tried, i could not persuade my boyfriend not to tell bandana boy. "a rumor can't come full circle," i pleaded. “it’ll implode upon itself. it might as well have never happened...”

just as with his thinning locks, the bandana man would not believe that his feral lovemaking sessions were audible. "bullshit," he cried.

"oh yeah," said my boyfriend. "tuesday. and thursday. afternoons."

bandana head's eyes dilated.


the loud sex halted.

the house in the suburbs was sold. and the husband moved into the city.

i saw the chocolate lady and her husband one day with A.

"does he know?" i asked.

"i doubt it," he replied.

we watched them walk, hands holding, towards her store.