it's the quiet ones...

ode to amy sedaris: the family portrait
Originally uploaded by kristalynn.

my sister and i are quiet and reserved girls. we definitely won't lambaste you during dinner conversations on the top 19 reasons why rum and coke is now our favorite summertime beverage or indicate with graphic reality as to how to apply facial elixirs in an upwardly stroking fashion to prevent sagging facial lines.

carrie fisher once said something like, "my introversion demonstrates my extroversion."

one afternoon, my sister and i were gathered around her computer watching a video of tom cruise making an arse of himself. in the middle of it we heard this HUGE bang - it sounded like the wind had caught the front door and slammed it shut. i thought her husband forgot to lock the front door. we ran towards the door, but before we got there, she exclaimed, "someone just tried to kick in my door!"

i looked through the peephole to see if he was still there, but my sister was already pulling at the door, trying to get it open. he kicked it so hard that we were stuck inside.

she finally managed to pull it open and took off after him. in her bare feet. you always seem so vulnerable in your bare feet.

"what is she doing?" i thought of how big he could be or what types of weapons he could have - or even how freaked out on crystal meth might be.

i took off after her, in my bare feet. she had him cornered by the elevator. "what the f- did you do to my door?!" she kept screaming at him.

"i'm trying to see my friend dave in 505." he said.

"there is no dave in 505." she was staring at him straight in the eye. it's incredible to witness what adrenaline can do.

i ran back into the apartment and called the police. and then went into the bedroom and looked at the baby lying on the bed, who had been woken up by the bang. i rubbed her belly, before picking her up, telling her that it was okay.

the police showed up within minutes, but kick-boy had already fled. he had kicked the door so hard that part of the deadbolt crumbled (a weiser - not recommended). a cool-looking plain-clothed cop in shorts scouted about the neighborhood. he wasn't found.

yesterday i got hit by a guy on a bike going through a red light.

"what the f-!?" i said.

"what do you mean, 'what the f-'". he was getting defensive.

"i mean, you came screaming through a red light. my light is green. you HIT me."

he became more and more aggressive and at one point he raised his fist to me. i punched him in the arm.

we stared at each other for a few seconds. i knew that i had opened myself up for a few beats. but HOPEFULLY some of the people on the street would have done something by that point.

he left.

i went to the new star wars movie, the right side of my body sore.