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Tuesday, June 21, 2005

the wretched refuse of your teeming shore...

Originally uploaded by kristalynn.

"that is NOT coming home with you."

"yes it is."

"leave it. it won't even work."

"sure it will."

"people put it on the street because it's broken."

"no. they upgraded. they got an air conditioner. look - it has a great big stand and everything."

we were in the middle of a heat wave and we had stumbled upon a fan. it was 119 degrees in my apartment.

"fine." he motioned with his hand to hurry up.

i picked up the fan. the front part of the cage fell off, hit me straight on the foot, and rolled down the street.

"leave it please."


"okay. [pause] you know, i found my tv on the street. kinda."

"really? that thing from 1982?"

i was living on the fifth floor of a five-floor walkup in new york. ever since i moved in, there was an old tv sitting on the landing of the third floor. i walked by it every day, wondering who left their garbage inside of a building. at first it annoyed me, but after months, it became a shoe-tying apparatus.

i learned through one of my neighbors that my downstairs' neighbor hated me.

"what? why?"

"your boyfriend."


i was very stupidly dating a drunken drug addict, who, when he was drunk and drugged, came home and yelled at me and threw things around, occasionally those things being me. oprah and dr phil would have nothing doing with me at that time, but it's all over now.

so, one day, mr snitty downstairs neighbor cornered me and gave me utter crap. i have no recollection of what he said, except for his parting words: "and who do you think you are, leaving your GARBAGE in the hallway?!", he said, referring to the television.

i was too stunned to speak. he snitted away.

my garbage?! i went back to my place and grabbed an extension cord. what an A-HOLE. i plugged in the television and turned it on. it worked. i lugged it upstairs. it was the heaviest thing i ever carried.

there. i had a television.


At June 21, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ever since Russel Crowe threw a phone at that guy's face I kind of think he's hot. But I don't like THAT PERSON throwing you around. And I don't think you're downstairs neighbour was friendly either. Let's put a note on his windshield that says, "thank you for being bald," just like we did to some person's poor father (Jay Thoden?) in high school. Wait. Was that with you? No. It wasn't. -kjc

At June 22, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

old TVs have character. when i was a student, i rescued an immensely thick wooden framed TV set (circa 1972) from the end of an abandoned driveway. with the help of friends, who could be bribed with cheap ales,we lugged it into my bachelor basement apartment. there it served for 3 faithful years until a mysterious dark line permanently scorched itself across the screen. oblivious to the dark line across his chest, the local news anchor spouted our dialy disasters with serious delivery. He looked like a child at the grown up table. i giggled. the tv itself had given me more entertainment than the message it was sending.

At June 23, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...



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