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Friday, March 24, 2006

whenever minutes


cassette stuck in pavement
Originally uploaded by kristalynn.

people get mad at me for not having a cell phone. they actually get mad.

i recently sublet an apartment from a yoga couple. the woman pulled out her cell phone, and primed to program, she asked me for my number. she looked stunned and then a bit mad when i told her that i didn't have one.

these are yoga people, i thought. she's can't get mad. she's not allowed to be judgmental.

we had a bit of a stare down until she realized that she was a yoga person.

"oh, that's okay. it's not your fault," she said.

whatever THAT meant.

i HATE talking on the phone. even if i did have a cell phone, you wouldn't be able to get me on it. i'd never answer it.

listen to people on their cell phones. no one is ever saying anything of any import. i wanted to compile a list of lame snippets that i caught, but everyone's conversations bored me so much, that i forgot. you can figure it out: girls complaining about guys, gay guys talking about clothing ("i'm wearing my green hoodie" - okay, that one was too gay to forget), lame office gossip, business people with something to prove with prattle that turns my stomach, and people just stating where they are ("twelfth aisle from the back - can't you see me waving", "third and 21st", "hi - i'm at h&m. where are you?").

i was consignment shopping when another girl in the shop had a full blown fight on her cell.

"what do you mean john's not going? i spoke to him this morning and we decided that he was the one to do it."

[pause]

"you've got to be kidding me. i'm on the upper east side - i'll never get there in time."

[pause]

"FINE! i'm leaving right now. you realize how late i'm going to be? this makes us ALL look like idiots!"

she angrily snapped her phone shut and stormed out. there were about 6 other shoppers in the small store. we cleared our throats, coughed, and clinked the hangers on the rack to ease our discomfort induced by her loutish spectacle.

a friend of mine recently decided to become mad at me because we didn't spend enough time together when i was in new york. oddly enough, i was simultaneously wondering why he never invited me to do anything, especially since our last correspondence consisted of me saying, "let me know if you want to get together."

he only called me when i emailed, once again, and informed him that i had landed myself in the hospital and had to get a piece of computer equipment back to him.

he proceeded to re-anger himself when we couldn't arrange the time to meet up. he with a dental appointment and me with a complete new york stranger who was posing as a photographer so that he could bamboozle young ‘uns into exposing their bosom.

actually it was for work, but judging by my (ex) friend's reaction, i may as well have been killing tiny puppies.

i received a message upon my return to the yoga hut renouncing our friendship.

"hey krista. you know what? you can keep that fucking computer adapter, i'm ending this friendship. it's based on nothing but selfishness, and you're completely selfish. so good luck with your life."

he made this call from the street. i could hear him walking and the street noise in the background.

my only hope is that several people got to hear his conversation. with any luck, it could have supplied them with a good laugh, eye roll, or fodder for a blog of their own.

how often do you get to hear a 40 year-old man relinquish a friendship?

probably, nowadays, more often than we'd ever like.

10 Comments:

At March 24, 2006, Blogger littlesnoring said...

I love hearing the banality of mobile phone conversations. I was on a really long train trip years ago when mobile phones were very new. This 'cool' girl got off at every stop, punched a number into her phone and said, "Yeah, I am at (insert town name), just arrived"
That was when I realised, some people just need to make noise to feel alive.
I really enjoy your posts, hello from Tasmania!

 
At March 25, 2006, Anonymous Buxom S. said...

what is WRONG with these people?! who would willingly end a friendship with you? LOO-ZUH-ERS

 
At March 25, 2006, Blogger sass said...

people suck.

except "littlesnoring". she's got it going ON. i totally concur that some people need to make noise to remind them that they're alive.

it sucks that we have to hear it.

 
At March 25, 2006, Blogger Irin said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At March 27, 2006, Blogger Irin said...

yeah people need to make noises, i guess that's why they start blogs.

 
At March 27, 2006, Anonymous Buxom S. said...

oh my gawd...or maybe that's why they post on other people's...i dunno...just tossin' ideas around over here...ya know...just off the top of my head...

 
At March 28, 2006, Blogger Kattia said...

You don't have a mobile phone?
You are my hero!
That's why you blog is great: by not having useless conversations, you save a lot of time and write cool stuff.
About your ex-friend... could it be a midlife crisis?

 
At March 28, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

blogs don't sit next to you on the bus and talk to you about how "everyone and their brother is a project manager".

they don't yell in your ear when you're purchasing a bag of doritos and a new toothbrush.

 
At March 28, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn straight, blogger. In all of my years of:

o Having to listen to the pointless and copious mouthnoise (or 'convos' as the local [retards] say) from the superficial barbie sitting next to, in front of, behind, or somehow loudly enough across the room.

o My own two captured sisters babble about boys...jellybeans...boys again
"(sister), do you like some boy in school?"
"ewww...erm..no!!! *doorslam*"

o Catherine Zeta Jones whoring herself out to yet another, more efficient way to talk your ass off at someone. EX:: WHENEVER minutes

o annoying rings (and now music ring tones) interrupt what everybody else is doing

o numberous outbursts of anger relating to a damn overused machine with a trade in value of FIFTYYY!!! (dollars)

o most importantly, the needless spread of "women's" culture, divaism, ditzocracy, metrosexuality, and many more affeminate hoohahs that throw off the gender balance

o I can't even remember anymore, I just cut myself

-the Yoda?

 
At March 29, 2006, Blogger sass said...

wha?

yoda?

cut self?

 

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