fair game

gerbera
Originally uploaded by kristalynn.

if i were to make a powerpoint presentation, or at least a bulleted list, of the happiest moments of my life, the better part of them would be moments that were not planned. the greatest moments came out of nowhere, and effected results that i was not prepared for.

was the most memorable moment of your wedding the first dance to the song that you so punctiliously chose? or was it when your father whispered sweet somethings-only-for-you in your ear? was the favorite part of your vacation the hike you took? or was it when you stumbled upon the blueberry bush where you spent 30 minutes feasting?


one of my fondest memories is of riding the subway in new york with my then-boyfriend. a new york character (read: nutjob) got on with a box and a magic wand. he sashayed hither and thither, garnering the attention required for his show. some looked, most ignored. the bulk were annoyed.

the magician took a seat next to me. the blood rushed to my cheeks as the eyes of the riders moved from him to me due to his wielding of his wand. i spurn attention. i hoped the magician would realize his error in judgment and move along to find someone with a little more *panache*.

instead, he tapped the handle of his box, motioning for me to open it.

i was apprehensive. i feared that springy snakes would burst asunder, causing the C train to titter at my misfortune.

"open the box," my boyfriend coaxed.

with trepidation i grabbed the handle. the magician nodded.

i pulled the drawer out of the box. it was empty. i leaned in and inspected closer.

i nodded excitedly. "empty!"

he motioned for me to inspect the sides, top, and bottom. i did, and indicated my approval.

the magician closed his eyes and waved his magic wand. he opened his eyes to look at me.

he, once again, tapped the handle with his wand.

"open..." my boyfriend cajoled.

i grabbed the handle and pulled. it was a bit heavier this time. i pulled a small, white bunny out of the box. his nose and whiskers moving in that bunnyish way.

i gasped and looked at the magician; my eyes as wide as the rabbit’s.

"yay! a bunny!" exclaimed my boyfriend.

i pet the rabbit's ears, just to confirm he was real.


just last week i was reprimanded for being too naive. the person stood above me saying things like, "you're not a child anymore, you know better," and "how can you possibly be so naive?"

i stared back up at him, with a certain amount of disdain.

"no?" he asked dryly, certain that his idea could not be implausible.

"no." replied my favorite voice in my head.


sure i could be less naive. i'd probably make wiser business decisions and have more urbane people in my midst.

but i can guarantee the first place you'd notice this conscious dismissal of my "naiveté" would be here – my conduit of creativity.

and i’d rather not lose my appreciation for the seemingly unimportant, the absurd, and the slightly dangerous.