from the ground up

Originally uploaded by kristalynn.

two days before christmas, my boyfriend, after nine years, delivered some news that kept me up for weeks and kept me from eating nary a melba toast.

when you're holed up in your hairdresser's apartment, in the dead darkness of winter, starving and going mad due to insomnia, the true gems in your life start to show themselves. friends and family drove miles and miles to come see me, while a local friend threw her house keys at me, saying i didn't even have to call before i dropped in.

"i'm sad that as adults we've lost the art of the drop by", she said.

"dropping by makes me feel desperate," i replied.

"we need a paradigm shift and must not see it as desperate, but instead as footloose and fancy free."

she sat by me as i time-consumingly ate a slice of pizza.

my sister and her husband flew me out to their new home on the quiet island of prince edward island. in summer the place bustles, but in the dead of winter there wasn't much activity but a snowstorm every second day. it was perfect for me to lie in bed with a space heater aimed directly at my face.

"why won't auntie get out of bed?" my three-year old niece asked.

"uncle g hurt auntie's heart," replied my sister.

my niece placed her head into her hands.


as that old stinky cliche goes, time does heal. or something. i started sleeping. without narcotic aid. and i started eating. even if it was an entire bag of doritos.


severraal years ago, when my boyfriend and i were still together, gunshots rang out at 3am, right after the club across the street closed. it was the second shooting in two weeks; this one being the retaliation.

before the end of the five shots, and before i could finish screaming, "fuck! NOT again!", my boyfriend had thrown his entire body on top of mine, in some kind of movie-type protection.

as the drive-by car drove by, we slowly got up and peered out of the bottom of the window. we saw the body lying on the sidewalk.


"if you ever doubt g's love, remember how he charged at me and gary. he was gonna clock us," said a friend. i had been showing my apartment to his friend, for a potential sublet. my boyfriend had stopped by and heard male voices coming from inside. he charged down the hallway to defend my honor.


the dysfunctional club across the street closed shortly after the second shooting. i heard that the guy lying on the sidewalk lived.