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Sunday, February 03, 2008

i, too, shall topple



Originally uploaded by kristalynn.
several years ago, shortly after returning from a 6-week stay in italy, i was jetlagged and tripped and fell off a curb.

i landed on all fours and knocked the breath out of me. i remained on the street for a few seconds while realizing what happened. when i stood up i saw that a large patch on my knee was completely white – all of the skin had come off. then the white patch turned red with blood pouring out of each and every capillary. hundreds of tiny little dots formed, which all joined together to cause blood to flow down my leg.

the jetlag, the jolt, and the bloodshed made me burst into tears. tears like a child cries. i limped to the theater where i was to meet my friend. i told him, in between sobs, that i fell and skinned my knee. and he looked confused.


five weeks ago i had to fly from new york through chicago to a tiny hellhole of a city in michigan for work. an ice storm had hit chicago, and as a result, i was rerouted three times. the three-hour flight took 14 hours. while i was rebooking one of my flights, i stood at a counter where the next flight, upon which i was not booked, would take me home. i contemplated foregoing the work trip to assmunch, michigan and simply returning home.

but something told me i would not like what i would find if i returned home that night. i continued on to shitballs, michigan.

when i did return home later that week, i was met with a reticent boyfriend. two weeks after that our nine-year relationship ended. because of that night i was rerouted: the night i didn't come home.

my appetite and ability to sleep promptly departed. i lost 10% of my body weight. my immune system was compromised. i fell ill with a kidney infection. writhing in pain, a doctor not only prescribed painkillers and antibiotics, but also atavan.

i returned home to news that the city would have to cut the water on my street for 36 hours. i purchased 8 liters of water and lay on my couch.

the pain abated and the water returned. and i had to fly to toronto for business, where i contracted strep throat. each time i swallowed, i wanted to cry out in pain. lying in bed at 4 am, i convinced myself that i had taken on too much. but i met my client at 8:30.

upon my return home i was prescribed imovane, dalmane, and paxil.

people tell me that i'm "a strong woman” and that i’ll “get through this." some even tell me to “hang in there.” after my own sister offered me the latter piece of advice, i told her she might as well send me an e-card with the image of a kitten hanging from a branch. the next day she did.


i’m taking care of my hairdresser’s cat. for five weeks. last week when i was leaving her apartment, i slipped and fell on the icy stairs. the pain of twisting my wrist made me cry out into the morning air. i sat down on the icy stairs and held my hand so that the winter air might have an impact on the impending swelling. i prayed it wasn’t broken so i wouldn't have to return to the hospital.

i sat on the stairs for about 15 minutes. i couldn't even shed a tear.

7 Comments:

At February 03, 2008, Blogger Kell said...

talk about sh!tballs. As a club member, I can say that the only good thing about despair is that it doesn't last forever. Hope you're doing okay - feeling better - boxing the hell out of sh!tballs - and well - just know I'm thinking about you.

 
At February 04, 2008, Blogger jezsik said...

Unseeing eyes see
green fanning ginkgo leaf
many paths from one.

 
At February 06, 2008, Blogger Karen said...

Love ya. Kidney infections aren't fun (our immune systems seem to give up in similar capacities by the way), bless your heart. Thinking of you. xoxo

 
At February 13, 2008, Anonymous karenzipdrive said...

I recommend you get yourself a kitten. They don't care how banged up you are, as long as you have a warm lap and the ability to open cans of Fancy Feast.

 
At February 14, 2008, Blogger sass said...

i have a kitten.

in the form of a 1.5 year old kitty.

 
At February 18, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

come to malawi, sit on an island. the invitation will always be open to you my friend.

hugs,
pam

 
At February 18, 2008, Blogger sass said...

i'm going to malawi!!!!

 

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