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Friday, September 23, 2005

collisions!



Originally uploaded by kristalynn.

a friend of mine invented a game with some friends when he was young. it was a winter game and the basic rules were to yell out "collisions!" and then run your friends over with a sled.

"wow. that sounds like a really great game." i said.

"collisions!"

"were there ever any injuries?"

"ALL the time."

"collisions..." i murmured.

the other day i had a collision of my own. a head on one with another biker. and i'll be honest here - i was biking the wrong way down a one-way street. but there were no cars - and he was coming straight at me. i veered to the right, as everyone who is not in the UK or australia would do. but he stayed straight on his path. i stopped. but he decided to hit me straight on.

"oh hey. how ya doing?" i said dryly.

"i'm not wrong! i'm not wrong!" he screamed at me, arms flailing. "i'm TIRED of people going the wrong way down this street!"

"so you decided to teach me a lesson by hitting me straight on? you're friggin' high."

"i'm NOT high, and i'm NOT wrong!"

"you're totally gay."

"yes, i AM gay! so what. i'm also tired of stopping for people going the wrong way on this street."

"you're tired of stopping, are you? so you decided to hit me straight on?” i palmiculated* at him. “look… you're stopped anyway." i poised myself for imminent departure.

he sucked in his breath. he saw that he was, in fact, stopped and that i had a valid point. as he snitted away on his bike, he concluded our collision! with a prosaic "fuck you".

as i turned on the next street, going the right way, my lower lip started to tremble. i never like being told to "fuck me". but i bucked up and it was soon water off a duck's back.

collisions. no one comes away unscathed.


palmiculate * \P[A']-mik-yu-lAt\ * verb
intransitive verb
1: to gesture or indicate using one’s palm facing upward.

9 Comments:

At September 24, 2005, Blogger pamela52jarrod said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At September 25, 2005, Blogger Charles said...

blogobscurate * \BL[Oh']-g-scur-lAt\ * verb
intransitive verb
1: to use little known words on one's blog.

 
At September 26, 2005, Blogger frogpajamas said...

why is it that the lone biker must veer into you? shame on him! so what if you were going down the wrong way...can't he glide past you and mind his own f*cking business? are people so anal they have to use physical abuse to modify others behaviours?? it shows how little control this man has in his own life, that he must act out such petty vengence to make himself feel superior. As T would say, i pity da fool...

 
At September 27, 2005, Anonymous demetri-le-jim said...

if i may, i'd like to use this blog comment space as a reminder of what is wrong in the world.

this biker chap obviously has issues in his life that need addressing. moreso than say, the direction-tresspassing heroin of our fav blog. are we so blinded by our own observations that we fail to see our own misgivings? have we lost sight of our own failures in life only to blindly grasp at other people's actions in some kind of projected mending of our own self-healing? ugh, and double ugh.

 
At September 29, 2005, Blogger johneysmith62367242 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At September 30, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should have "palmiculated" across the side of his face!

Rob

 
At October 10, 2005, Blogger Kell said...

That's a good story. "Woman as Object Lesson" - when will people stop thinking we know their history enough to understand all the crappy things they do to us?

I'm going to use 'palmiculate' in a sentence today.

 
At November 01, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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I have a **Make Big Money**blog. It pretty much covers Make Big Money articles related stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time :-)

 
At September 04, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd just like to say that most serious cyclists have no problem with people going down a one-way street the wrong way. If you were on the right, you were fine. If he was on the left, he's an idiot. If you were on your left, going the wrong way down a one-way street, I leave it to you to reconsider your actions.

 

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