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Thursday, May 18, 2006

you decorated my life



Originally uploaded by kristalynn.

my boyfriend was recently telling me about his boss's girlfriend.

"she sat at the bar and made pursey lips and moony eyes at everyone. i couldn't STAND her."

"ew. what is WRONG with people?"

"well, not everyone has the self confidence that you have, krista."

i spat out my prosecco.


in my eyes, i'm still the girl who chris dolan punched in the stomach while i was balancing atop the bicycle rack.

i gangled through my youth. so much that my parents would sing the "bony maroni, she's as skinny as a piece of macaroni" song to me. i guess to be fair they sang the "i don't want her, you can have her. she's too fat for me" song to my sister. i think there was some kind of coddling and "oh, it's not true" conversation after, but i can't be too sure of that.

not that we were a very musical family, but i also remember my grandfather singing "won't you make my brown eyes blue" to me. i felt slightly inconsequential when the grandfather that i only got to see four times in my life deemed my sister a better granddaughter on the basis of her eye color. in the middle of the serenade i looked over and saw her blue eyes beaming. i figured it was least i could do considering the corollaries of the "you're too fat" song.


not too long ago i was drinking margaritas by the pitcher with someone who hadn't had tequila since he got drunk, and consequently ill, on it at 18.

"mm. check out that ass." he was not referring to mine.

i checked. "nice... kinda lumpy. kinda misshapen."

"doesn't matter. nice. guys like 'em. big. small... we don't care."

"the same go for boobs?"

"yup."

"then why do all these women get all this plastic surgery?"

"because you feel like you have to compete among each other."

it was the wisest thing i'd heard in about three days.

so the moony eyes and pouty lips - it's bound to make some women more insecure, some wish they had your "self confidence", and others just roll their eyes. i'm convinced you just need to trot off for another collagen injection.

by the way, have you seen kenny rogers lately?

5 Comments:

At May 19, 2006, Anonymous Buxom S. said...

he (50% of islands in the stream) looks ruh-dick-you-luss...

on the plastic note...i like my boobs (they are currently real) but i swear to god...when they really start to shrivel up and become tube socks with oranges in them...i'm gettin a pair o' falsies. not to compete with anyone though...i just like having boobs. except yesterday...they were so enormous they kept popping out of my bra and made my back ache...but other than that... ;)

 
At May 19, 2006, Blogger David Howse said...

Your grandfather was non-selective since I've also heard him sing "beautiful, beautiful brown eyes, I'll never love blue eyes again" to his other grand-children and great grand-children.

 
At May 19, 2006, Blogger chris said...

yea, women do compete with each other. most men like us just the way we are.

 
At May 19, 2006, Blogger Kell said...

My colleague and I were just discussing how awful Meg Ryan looks now that she's had plastic surgery... Kenny - oh, Kenny. I had no idea he was so vain.

Regarding boobs - I tell all who care that they can have up to half of mine if they can engineer it (that's half of one and the other - not just one on one side)

 
At May 25, 2006, Blogger Kattia said...

wisdom is on the air!
I agree totally. And I realised that lack of self-steem produces weird, ugly, mean, people. They can be even dangerous.
I learned to like my small bobs and my belly... But it took some time ...

 

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