... for your thoughts

lady in pink
Originally uploaded by kristalynn.

i once joked with a friend about that macy's day parade and how it precedes the "biggest shopping day of the year".

"if it's the biggest shopping day of the year, how come i'm not shopping," i unfunnily said.


i've been spending some time back in new york, and today, upon ill advice, i went to century 21.

i begged two people's pardons as i tried to get past a handbag display. neither of the congesting parties heard me, so i gently placed my hand on the shoulder of one of them: the gay one. he was yelling across a counter to a friend; asking for advice on a special and unique item.

"sorry, can i get by?" i repeated.

he turned around. "don't push," he bitched. the little bitch.

"i didn't push. i'd just like to get by. there's like this much room." i fairly demonstrated with my hands how much room there was. had i tried to squeeze through this demonstrated space, he really would have been pushed.

"i'm talking with my friend. just wait."

i hated century 21 and promptly left, purchaseless. i sat in a coffeeshop on broadway to decompress and people watch. it was a rainy day, from beginning to end. a homeless, or an ex-homeless, man was collecting money for a homeless organization. he was draped in a rain poncho, but it was doing no good. i was watching him not collect a cent.

i noticed that the jug into which people were supposed to put money had a little white paper cup over the mouth of it, to protect the money from the rain.

i burst into tears.

three items of note that were shouted at me today

cactus
Originally uploaded by kristalynn.

item of note #1: "Hey green eyed lady... Or grey eyes. Can't tell."

item of note #2: "Nice nips!"

item of note #3: "I'd like to see your p*ssy!"

from the ground up

Originally uploaded by kristalynn.

two days before christmas, my boyfriend, after nine years, delivered some news that kept me up for weeks and kept me from eating nary a melba toast.

when you're holed up in your hairdresser's apartment, in the dead darkness of winter, starving and going mad due to insomnia, the true gems in your life start to show themselves. friends and family drove miles and miles to come see me, while a local friend threw her house keys at me, saying i didn't even have to call before i dropped in.

"i'm sad that as adults we've lost the art of the drop by", she said.

"dropping by makes me feel desperate," i replied.

"we need a paradigm shift and must not see it as desperate, but instead as footloose and fancy free."

she sat by me as i time-consumingly ate a slice of pizza.

my sister and her husband flew me out to their new home on the quiet island of prince edward island. in summer the place bustles, but in the dead of winter there wasn't much activity but a snowstorm every second day. it was perfect for me to lie in bed with a space heater aimed directly at my face.

"why won't auntie get out of bed?" my three-year old niece asked.

"uncle g hurt auntie's heart," replied my sister.

my niece placed her head into her hands.


as that old stinky cliche goes, time does heal. or something. i started sleeping. without narcotic aid. and i started eating. even if it was an entire bag of doritos.


severraal years ago, when my boyfriend and i were still together, gunshots rang out at 3am, right after the club across the street closed. it was the second shooting in two weeks; this one being the retaliation.

before the end of the five shots, and before i could finish screaming, "fuck! NOT again!", my boyfriend had thrown his entire body on top of mine, in some kind of movie-type protection.

as the drive-by car drove by, we slowly got up and peered out of the bottom of the window. we saw the body lying on the sidewalk.


"if you ever doubt g's love, remember how he charged at me and gary. he was gonna clock us," said a friend. i had been showing my apartment to his friend, for a potential sublet. my boyfriend had stopped by and heard male voices coming from inside. he charged down the hallway to defend my honor.


the dysfunctional club across the street closed shortly after the second shooting. i heard that the guy lying on the sidewalk lived.