hold the door

parking2
Originally uploaded by kristalynn.

i've recently implemented a battery of new life policies in hope that things will start to work better for me. one of these policies dictates that i should not resist everything, which usually renders myself in a bad mood.

so when i could not find a wingwoman to accompany me to the jazz festival with a date/non-date, i decided that i just had to "go with the flow", and that i was just going to a concert with an old friend. and if he got handsy, that i would simply move his hands from my person and say, "no no no".

"i must have details!" called my friend after me as i set off on my bike.

we met on a crowded corner. he had brought a wingcouple of his own - an old friend from high school and his new wife.

as we walked along the crowded streets to the stage, my date/non-date would place one hand on my back and the other out in front - indicating that i could go first. a pleasant surprise from a few past dud dates who, seemingly impervious to my presence (perhaps too taken by themselves and their unremitting self-sales pitch), would cut right in front of me when turning corners. it was i who had to stop to let them go, while they yammered on.

we ended up at a blues concert. the music was amazing - a group from chicago.

"would you like something to drink? a beer?" he asked.

i didn’t. i was beered out. he went to the beer tent and returned with an iced tea in hand for me. i beamed. so simple, so thoughtful. i was parched. how did he know?

"stand here," he said as he grabbed my waist and moved me to higher ground. "you can see better." i could. and i could also lean up against a tree during my tired moments. he stood behind a tall person. but i happily took the better spot.

his wingcouple got lost in the crowd.

conversation flowed easily. i probed areas where i wanted more information (yoga retreats, martial arts, his custody battle) and he responded freely and candidly. in the middle of a conversation, i'd make a joke, and he'd actually get it, and even build on it. a rarity.

we moved on to a second show. we both liked it only for about 10 minutes. leaving the show we wrapped up our date/non-date with no tension; no lunging lips, and no sweaty, grapple-y hands.

i figure he is just naturally super friendly, affectionate, and mindful. even if it was a non-date, he made me feel like a special person, if just for one evening.

the last of the mojitos

park2
Originally uploaded by kristalynn.

recently, a project manager decided to call me up, yell at me, and then hang up.

"would you read the document before you start giving me a hard time!" he shouted.

he had never sent me said document.

it was a holiday. and a sunny one at that. his abuse, in addition to much else, resulted in my laying down and crying. my sinuses and my eyelids immediately swelled up.

habitually, i would have canceled my dinner plans for the evening, but i knew it would be okay, perhaps even encouraged, to show up in a swollen, red, and streaky state. the hostess was no stranger to similar meltdowns. i once counseled her in the arts of applying ice directly to the maxillofacial area so we could attend a taco dinner party.

"the gay men will make you feel better..." i cooed.


in contrast to making people cry, i've noticed that certain bits of miscellaneous information make them happy.

i love informing the neighborhood eccentric that i've gone drinking with a mutual friend. being almost permanently depressed, it brings a kind of wideness to his eyes never otherwise witnessed. he thinks she holes herself up.

"why did you tell C that we made all those homemade margaritas?" she was kinda mad.

"he just gets so happy..."


when catsitting, i decided to barbecue some sirloin burgers on the grill. the gas ran out.

"now they're gonna know you used their barbecue," said a friend.

"i feel it will make them happy."

when i went to give the keys back, i informed them that the cat only made appearances from day 2 forward and that i used all the gas in the grill.

"oh... i'm happy you used the barbecue," one said while the other smiled.

i loved telling my boyfriend that i was going for a run. he forgot everything else, if just for a moment.

"watch your knee. stay on the trails. here, have some gatorade. you lose too many electrolytes." he watched carefully as i tied up my shoes. "not too tight... remember last time."


my project manager called again today. he didn't yell. his tactic was to pretend it never happened. my tactic was to be professional and business-like. i've never been so cold.