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Friday, April 13, 2007

i did it once before...

self portrait with eduardo!
Originally uploaded by kristalynn.
... and i'm gonna do it again.

i'm leaving today to drive across the US with a girlfriend. we don't really have much by way of "destination", per se. she just has to be in calgary by may.

i think i've definitely convinced her to go to portland, but i'm going to try to aim more south. perhaps by mid-dakota she'll be aching to see san francisco...

"so which one are you?" asked my boyfriend. "thelma or louise?"

i shook my head, thinking about the movie. harking back to a certain young lad in a cowboy hat...

"louise." he said, answering his own question.

louise, wow! i was impressed.

"nah, thelma."

"thelma's boyfriend was a douchebag."


i'm traveling with a friend who once, after closing a bar, literally picked me up and threw me into a cab. as i felt my feet leave the ground i thought that it was really neat that i was actually airborne and moving through the frame of a car door. the only other time i'd been picked up was when some drunk dude tried to bench press me in a bar.

i landed in the back seat of the cab cheek first.

"make sure she goes home. she's threatening to walk!" instructed my friend to the cab driver.

"it's not that cold..." i said, scootching over to the door i had ascended through.

but she slammed it in my face and pointed north, towards my home.

i liked it.

i guess she's louise.

i'll keep you posted on my travels. if you have any suggestions, please post them.

Monday, April 09, 2007


Originally uploaded by kristalynn.
i ran into a friend and asked about a mutual friend - someone who neither one of us had seen in a while.

"i've had my heart broken by people i shouldn't have wasted my breath on. everyone's saying she could have done better than him, but, she's still hurting."

i know we're all attempted to console our friends during a breakup with this phrase.


it insults. we made a choice to be with a certain person; to have sex with them, to introduce them to family members, to pay for their trips to vegas...

this statement never made me feel better. quite contrary. it made me feel as though i was thought to have been really weak, or stupid, for that specified period of time. and that everyone was taking pity on me.

people shake their heads in a condescending, "it's a good thing that's over" way, as they advance to hug you.

i was once in a bar when a guy approached me. he told me that i could do much better than the person i was with. how is that supposed to work? a stranger informing me that i'm incapable of making one of life’s most basic and instinctual choices?

and this person in question was my first true love. i would not be where i am today had he not wasted his breath on me.

i got wind that one of my current boyfriend’s friends didn’t think i was good enough for him. and by “got wind”, i mean my boyfriend told me. during a fight. this was years ago. i’ve never forgotten, and i’ve never been able to look at this person in a forgiving light.

be careful when you console. there's someone out there who you're not good enough for.

but we aim to maim, don’t we?


Wednesday, April 04, 2007

cosa nostra - epilogue

joe pesci
Originally uploaded by kristalynn.
for those of you concerned, my kitten, sicily, is doing much better. one morning, her bloody nose scab fell off. and even though she was still bleeding from the mouth, i knew she was going to be better.

i think she looks like joe pesci.

don't you think she looks like joe pesci?

my boyfriend doesn't see it.

but i think she and joe pesci are identical.

Monday, April 02, 2007

misery loves validation

ice in new york
Originally uploaded by kristalynn.
i was at a dinner a long time ago. the hostess was talking about her day at work.

"i spent the afternoon browsing for cards. i bought about $30 worth of cards and really nice envelopes." she paused and gazed upon the horizon. "that's why i really love my job."

i was incredulous. "you love your job because you can buy envelopes?"

"from the petty cash." but she looked at me like i was the one who didn't understand.

we have a really crappy, crappy newspaper here in montreal. the only good thing about it is the celebrity gossip column. my favorite part is "oh, shut up", where a celebrity is quoted saying something really dumb. it usually includes something from matthew mcconaughey talking about how he hasn't worn deodorant since he was 14 because "all the women in my life, including my mom, tell me that i have a special scent - my scent. a manly scent."

there isn't enough shutting up going on these days. we are more often than not subjected to people's telephone calls. and most of these calls consist of one's location or very important matters of business, which need to be stated just loud enough for everyone within radius to know how important they are.

"i think i should give alan a call. we don't want him to be blindsided."

a friend, who travels a lot, threatened that the next time she heard a *businessman's* conversation she was going to pick up a stapler and start talking loudly into it.

i told her that she should also click the stapler, saying that she was trying to conference in alan.

in addition to jobs, some people's lives are also fantastic. another friend goes on at great lengths about how incredible and implausible his life is. what is one to say? "mine too!" is he expecting a conversation comparing and contrasting the fantasticness of each of our lives?

instead i stare blankly. because, i am, quite frankly, left empty and void.

"it's true. i'm very, very happy," he persists, trying to convince "me".

if you were really happy, wouldn't i be able to tell from your eyes, your smile, your tone? the amount of rounds you buy for me?

wouldn't you shut up about it?

another couple, at every opportunity, tell me ad infinitum about their exponentially expanding love for one other. they tell me in each other's presence, they tell me while they are a momentarily single unit. they have each other well trained.

save your loud breath, i don't believe a word you're saying.