to let

haight
Originally uploaded by kristalynn.

i became tired with myself not too long ago. which is nothing new. but this time i got disciplined, instead of mopey. i hopped on the internets and sent out 6492 resumes. and what ensued was interesting. tiring, but interesting.

working as a freelancer is great. everyone i know who does it, loves it. i recently got a panicky email from a friend who feared the company she consulted for was offering her a job.

"how do i not come away from this meeting with a full-time job?"

"talk about the benefits. convince them of the benefit of not paying you benefits."


so it looks like i landed myself a six-month contract with a company that i never, ever would have imagined myself working for. in my consternation, i asked friends for advice. one told me that having that company's name on my resume would be a hindrance; that no one would ever want to deal with me again. ever.

a colleague told me i should not list it at all.

“i can’t have a six-month gap. that’ll look like i was unhealthy, that i had to go away.”

she conceded, but said that the only way it should appear is if i were to create a new section, entitled "Case Studies", and list it there. if i ever wanted anyone to take me seriously again.

i had 4369 other interviews with seemingly upstanding companies that would look stellar on my resume. the trouble is, there was always something that didn't feel right. the tiniest little thing would irk me: no water was offered, an extra person sat on the panel, certain expenses would have to be fronted by me…

only a few months previous i declared that i wanted a job "with perks - you know, i want to be flown places, put up in hotels...". when i asked this company about accommodations - meaning short-term rentals that i would be responsible for - they said, "oh we'll take care of that. and we're working on getting you a car."

i don’t really want a car, but i was too overwhelmed to say so.

i'm being wooed. by an ultra-right, republican, cultish corporation.

it feels good.

i saw skies of blue

twin towers
Originally uploaded by kristalynn.

i was in the dentist's chair the morning of september 11th. he had just finished with my mouth and handed me a tissue to clean up. i was wiping my face when he popped back in and told me that a plane had hit the world trade center.

i ran home and turned on the tv but it showed me that the pentagon had been hit. needing answers, i ran to my coffee shop. on the way, i ran into A and his brother. the day was sunny and they were smiling.

"a plane hit the world trade center."

"i bet it’s afghanistan," said his brother.

while at the counter at the coffee shop the first tower collapsed on the television. i remember the news people didn't know how to handle it. i met the eyes of who is now a good friend but at the time was a stranger. i then turned to A and said, "there weren't people in that building, were there?"

i watched some more tv and saw the second tower fall. i met my boyfriend back at home. he was heading out to pick up his best friend's daughter from daycare, because they had sent their employees home.

"why don't they look after their own kid?”

"because they're staying at work. why don’t you come with me?"

i held the phone up to him. "i have to call my friends." i was yelling.

i knew his phone would be down, so i started by calling my ex-boyfriend's mother in ohio. she had heard from him about 15 minutes before. he dodged the falling people as he left work.

i called another friend who lives in columbus circle. our running joke was he never ventured further than a 7-block radius of his apartment. and he never did. but that morning he had been called for jury duty, of all things. he got off the subway at chambers street, saw the buildings on fire and turned around to walk home. 70 blocks. on the way, he stopped at a starbucks.

"i walked in and nobody was there. i ordered a coffee and 'what a wonderful world" by louis armstrong was playing."


my sister eloped a few years ago. she made a slideshow and set the music to "what a wonderful world" by israel kamakawiwo'ole . my parents viewed the slideshow over and over on the computer and cried.

against their better judgment, my sister and husband had a post-elope wedding party in the remote hills of british columbia. i could not make it because i was working on a contract in new york. instead my boyfriend came to spend the weekend with me. we happened to be gaily shopping at j crew when they played "what a wonderful world" by israel kamakawiwo'ole. i hung up what i was looking at and ran downstairs (upstairs girls, downstairs boys) to find my boyfriend. on the way down, i started to cry.

my boyfriend charged out of a change room looking for me. "we gotta go call them. let's go call your sister." the sales guy handed me a kleenex.

tell me something...

lochsa lounge
Originally uploaded by kristalynn.

i had dinner not too long ago with a very pregnant friend and her husband. we sat at the bar, as no tables were available.

“do you know the sex?” asked the woman behind the bar.

“no,” replied my friend. “it’s going to be a surprise.”

the woman motioned to the bartender. “his wife is pregnant too. due in three weeks. he knows the sex, she doesn’t.”

“yeah,” he turned around, glass in hand, and beamed at us. “it’s a girl!”


this past spring, a woman left her husband. she left him because he refused to leave the suburbs. the suburbs that were killing her so. she moved into my neighborhood, close to her gourmet chocolate shop.

this past spring my boyfriend got a job working for a man next to the chocolate shop. this man was denying his hair loss. he tied up his shoulder length stringy hair with a bandana.

this past spring some gossip was spread. this friend told me that his new neighbor – the recently de-suburbed chocolate lady - was having really loud sex. extraordinarily loud sex.

"sex that sounds like banging, or sex that sounds like furniture is moving?" i asked.

"sex that sounds like a dresser is being picked up and dropped onto the floor," he replied.

"wow. what could they possibly be doing?"

"i don't know. but they do it every tuesday and thursday afternoon."

i informed my boyfriend - G – of the neighborhood gossip. "the chocolate lady is having really loud sex."

his eyes bugged out. "the chocolate lady is dating my boss...! i didn't tell you? why do you think we get so many free chocolates?"

i clasped my hands over my mouth. this was huge.

i had to tell A. "the chocolate lady is having the loud sex with bandana boy!"

the news knocked the wind out of him. "G cannot tell bandana head that we hear their loud sex."

but no matter how hard i tried, i could not persuade my boyfriend not to tell bandana boy. "a rumor can't come full circle," i pleaded. “it’ll implode upon itself. it might as well have never happened...”

just as with his thinning locks, the bandana man would not believe that his feral lovemaking sessions were audible. "bullshit," he cried.

"oh yeah," said my boyfriend. "tuesday. and thursday. afternoons."

bandana head's eyes dilated.


the loud sex halted.

the house in the suburbs was sold. and the husband moved into the city.

i saw the chocolate lady and her husband one day with A.

"does he know?" i asked.

"i doubt it," he replied.

we watched them walk, hands holding, towards her store.