woobegone

vij's rangoli
Originally uploaded by kristalynn.

"my husband would call me up from work, practically crying from laughter, to tell me to read your blog.”


a couple of entries ago, a got a little ahead of myself in thinking that my life was somewhat coming together; that there was some company ready and willing to do anything to get *me* to come work for them, including rent a car! gee wilikers!

i left very excitedly to embark on a new chapter in my personal growth. it didn't get past the border, where i was detained for 2 hours due to an error on the behalf of the recruitment company hired to make things smoother for us.

after expressing my disenchantment to the company, i was thrilled to be returning home. due to two ice storms, it took two days to get here, and when I finally did, i received some news that kept me from getting a wink of sleep nor keeping an ounce of food in my stomach.

had i gotten too cocky? was my head too inflated and balloon-like?


i'm astounded by the generosity and utter concern that some people have shown. from a girlfriend handing over the keys to her home saying that if my four walls became too much to handle, to come right over. a call wasn't even necessary. to my cousin whose eyes welled with tears, causing mine to fill with tears. and then my soggy face to collapse on her shoulder. in starbucks.

and to the person who told me that i had a unique voice and way of telling a story.

if we don't tell each other things, we'll never know. so i thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for the things they have said.

and i won't kill my blog just yet. there's a few more things that i may just have to say.

happy 2008.

the throwing in of the towel

Originally uploaded by kristalynn.

i've been considering resigning this blog for a while now. i just can't keep up. and i get anxious when i don't post. i met up with a friend in ny, and after we absconded an exploding manhole cover, i confessed this over the best mulligatawny i've ever tasted.

"yeah, people want more posts, more often," he said.

"i can't deliver. my head, she's vapid and empty."


this week on facebook, a friend's status declared that she was potentially available for coffee. in courting her, i mentioned that i had an issue i needed to discuss. an issue on censorship. i knew this would secure the meeting.

"i can meet you at 11," she said.

"oh. shit. just let me jump into the shower."

"don't worry. it'll be a soft 11."


"what kind of censorship? self censorship?" she queried knowingly.

"yes. what are your thoughts?"

she thought. "well, the thing about your blog is that you say what needs to be said."

"some people are upset. even someone who told me never to self-censor is upset."

"write your stuff. and look elsewhere to publish it. the back page of the life section, magazines..."

i nodded. sadly. but i nodded.


another blog that i read shut itself down due to self-editing. i may follow suit. i want to take time to make things come back into my head. and i need to take the time to write more publishable stuff, and to find the places to publish said rubbish.

that may mean another blog under a new name. one you will have trouble finding. unless you are that nice guy from san jose who sent me a lovely polaroid.

or maybe this could just be a soft throwing-in-of-the-towel.

between grove and barrow

chumleys
Originally uploaded by kristalynn.

schmap was delighted to let me know that my photo had been selected for inclusion in the newly released fourth edition of the schmap new york guide.

you can see it here.

the ones we love

golden gate bridge
Originally uploaded by kristalynn.

i’m going on strike. against those who are making things all the more difficult for me. i've just had an incredibly stressful two weeks and it seems that i can't rely on those who are supposed to be there. in fact, they're making things all the more difficult.

from my best friend who's not happy until i feel smaller than he naturally does ("i especially liked how you told that entire story with chocolate on your teeth.") to family members who treat everything as a competition ("Where pray tell are you staying at the Manulife building?") to another friend, who, when offered my place to stay over the holidays, barks back that her Boyfriend cannot possibly be left alone for a "girls' night out”. i took her insolence as an indication that, no, she did, in fact, not need a place to stay, but thank-you for asking.

notice how i capitalized any references to Him, just like people do when they write about God.


i was speaking to a friend about my woes, my annoyances, and my inability to sometimes catch my breath.

"what if you told these people that you love them?” he suggested.

i took in a sharp breath in when i thought about all the love i have for them. i contemplated sending them love emails.

"i do love them..."

"uh huh," he said.

"... but it may be too soon."

just like in a relationship, it would be too soon. maybe i’ll drunk dial them once i get over feeling like the gangly, flat-chested, failure that they called me out on.